Overcoming the Fear
So it's been a couple months since I've blogged. I always have things on my mind and things I can write about, but I suppose i'm battling with some fear at this point. A couple years ago, I was blogging on a site called Shine. I thought this site was annonymous and I even had an alias, but somehow my blogs were discovered. Interestly enough, I never used names in any of my blogs, yet this person was able to identify me. What are the odds that we would end up on the same blogging website right? It caused quite a bit of a stir in my life and since then i've felt the need to censor my thoughts and feelings at times. This poses quite a problem for me as I am most interested in blogging about real life situations, and this requires a certain level of vulnerability....so here goes...
The last few years have been a rollercoaster for me. It seems like my life was headed in a great direction and suddenly things just fell apart. At times it seems like that one event sent me on a slow downward spiral. I had friends and family to support me emotionally, but I think it was the first time in my life where I realised that getting out of the black hole I was plunged so deeply in depended solely on me. It was the first time I truly realised what being an adult was, and the first time I understood autonomy to the fullest extent. Even now, the concept of making decisions and knowing that I have to deal with the consequences on my own is a scary thought. Isn't it funny how we wish to grow up so we can do as we please, but then we realise it's completely overrated once we get there? I guess you could say I was dead for a bit, just chugging along blissfully happy and not thinking of the future too much. Then, being placed in a scenario where my back was against the wall, I had no choice but to begin thinking long term. I began to have vision for my life, but also realised that it was up to me to make those things happen. So, here's what i've been working on so far.
I started school last year. My goal is/was to be a writer. I've been conflicted in this respect and I think it has to do with overcoming that fear and expressiny my thoughts once again. I've been thinking about publishing or editing as well. If I had to read books for a living, I think I'd be ok with that. I currently have a summer reading list and hopefully by the end of august I'll be donating a bunch of books to my public library because I would have read them all.
I've always said I want to travel the world, but I really never put the wheels in motion for that to happen. This relates to the whole "it being up to me to make it happen" thing. I realised if i didn't actively work on it, it was never going to happen. I leave for Mexico at the end of this month, and I have things in place to make a European tour happen next year.
I've always loved dancing and dance class has never felt like work to me. It's a passion that I soon plan to incoroporate into my very busy lifestyle.
The biggest challenge for me is having patience because now that I know where I want to be, I want to be there already! On top of all of this, I've recently realised that i'm at that point of my life. Yes, THAT point, where i'd like to settle down and build a life with someone. Here's the thing about that. It's one thing to have a vision and goals for your life, but when you throw someone else into that mix...it's no longer just about what you want. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made, and dreams take longer to accomplish...
The last few years have been a rollercoaster for me. It seems like my life was headed in a great direction and suddenly things just fell apart. At times it seems like that one event sent me on a slow downward spiral. I had friends and family to support me emotionally, but I think it was the first time in my life where I realised that getting out of the black hole I was plunged so deeply in depended solely on me. It was the first time I truly realised what being an adult was, and the first time I understood autonomy to the fullest extent. Even now, the concept of making decisions and knowing that I have to deal with the consequences on my own is a scary thought. Isn't it funny how we wish to grow up so we can do as we please, but then we realise it's completely overrated once we get there? I guess you could say I was dead for a bit, just chugging along blissfully happy and not thinking of the future too much. Then, being placed in a scenario where my back was against the wall, I had no choice but to begin thinking long term. I began to have vision for my life, but also realised that it was up to me to make those things happen. So, here's what i've been working on so far.
I started school last year. My goal is/was to be a writer. I've been conflicted in this respect and I think it has to do with overcoming that fear and expressiny my thoughts once again. I've been thinking about publishing or editing as well. If I had to read books for a living, I think I'd be ok with that. I currently have a summer reading list and hopefully by the end of august I'll be donating a bunch of books to my public library because I would have read them all.
I've always said I want to travel the world, but I really never put the wheels in motion for that to happen. This relates to the whole "it being up to me to make it happen" thing. I realised if i didn't actively work on it, it was never going to happen. I leave for Mexico at the end of this month, and I have things in place to make a European tour happen next year.
I've always loved dancing and dance class has never felt like work to me. It's a passion that I soon plan to incoroporate into my very busy lifestyle.
The biggest challenge for me is having patience because now that I know where I want to be, I want to be there already! On top of all of this, I've recently realised that i'm at that point of my life. Yes, THAT point, where i'd like to settle down and build a life with someone. Here's the thing about that. It's one thing to have a vision and goals for your life, but when you throw someone else into that mix...it's no longer just about what you want. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made, and dreams take longer to accomplish...
