Thirty!

 

 

 

I'm sitting here trying to think of some wise "soon to be 30" knowledge to impart and I am realising that it's much more difficult to sum up a decade worth of things that I have learned. Unlike most people, I actually don't have an issue with aging. I guess I always embraced the wisdom that age tends to bring, although I must say, wisdom can sometimes feel like someone sucker punched you in the gut. As I say goodbye to my twenties and hello to my thirties, I'll give you what I believe to be some of the most valuable lessons I have learned.

1. Trust your gut. Yes, this sounds like a cliche, but time and time again situations in my 20's have showed me that I need to have more faith in my instincts. It has never failed me.

2. Love is the best thing you will experience, and the worst. I've learned that hurt does not only come from being lied too, cheated on, etc. Sometimes hurt comes in a way you would never expect; by someone choosing to walk away from all you have built together. Sometimes it leaves no explanation. It's nothing that you did, nothing that he did, life just sends you on different paths. Coming to the realization that you love someone but your love just isn't meant to be, well, that hurts. Being realistic in love is the hardest lesson I've had to learn.

3. Rebounds are a no no. The temptation to fill a void is never good. You need to take time to heal before pursuing something new.

4. Love is not the fairytale presented to us by Disney, but know your deal breakers and stand by them firmly. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit. It's okay to give second chances, just don't give thirds, fourths, fifths. If it doesn't change after the first time, it probably never will.

6. You never know how you will react until you are faced with the situation. So give advice and have your friends' best interest at heart, but understand that you will never truly understand the extent of what he/she feels because you are not in his/her shoes. This is not however, an excuse to justify them doing something that is blatantly wrong.

7. Family will always have your back, so it is probably best not to get too detailed about the ups and downs of your love life with them. It can make family gatherings quite uncomfortable.

8. Forgiveness...this is a big one for me. It helps us to release our hurts and move forward. It also means not throwing what that person did in their face constantly. If you keep bringing it up, you probably have not forgiven. I wish I could tell you how to go about forgiving someone from the heart, but this has always been a struggle of mine. I've always forgiven people but cut them out of my life at the same token. For me this is easier, out of sight, out of mind. This eliminates the constant reminder of what they have done to hurt me. I have walked away from relationships and friendships in this manner. About two months ago I was having dinner with two of my girlfriends and they brought up a very good point. One is married, and one is about to be. They said "If you keep cutting people out of your life when they make mistakes, especially in relationships, how will you ever learn to work through anything? It is inevitable that people will hurt us, and do things that are difficult to forgive, but that's what relationships are about. It doesn't mean you must be a doormat, but it does require a certain level of understanding that people are human and they mess up from time to time " (I'm paraphrasing here). This stuck with me for two important reasons. It made me see that maybe I expect too much from people at times, and it also made me see how self righteous I can be, because hell, I've made lots of mistakes in my life and wanted forgiveness for it.

9. Remember when we were young and people told us sticks and stones may break our bones but words can never hurt us? Wrong. About two years ago I learned this lesson the hard way. I had a friend who was going through a difficult time and I felt like she needed some tough love. Well, I almost lost that friendship as a result of some of the things I said to her. Words hurt. My words had hurt her. Thankfully she *gasp* forgave me, but the lesson I learned is that words have an impact, choose them wisely.

10. Selflessness is key. I've come to realise that I live in a society that believes in the individual pursuit of happiness, even if it means trampling over someone else to get there. As a result, I may probably never be a millionaire, and I'm ok with that. I truly believe that what we dish out, we receive tenfold. The two people I've learned to be selfless from are my mother and sister. They will give you the shirt off their back if they could. Sometimes I feel like the most selfish person on the planet when I compare myself to them. I don't even think they know how much they have inspired me to be more thoughtful, but they have. I've learned to think more about what I can do to help others and focus less on myself, and somehow doing this makes my life feel complete. Do not confuse selflessness with being a doormat.

11. It's okay to have a voice. Man, when I was 18 I was the most timid person. I never spoke up or voiced my opinion and I let others intimidate me. Well, after I moved to New York, that changed! A funny thing happens when you start to speak up. You begin to realise how much of your power you were giving away to others. You also begin to lose friends who are not used to the "new you". The "you" that speaks your mind and doesn't care what others think. There are some friendships that need to have one person dominating the friendship in order for it to survive. All I can say is, that's not what true friendship is. If someone cannot appreciate your difference of opinion and respect you for it, it's time to end that friendship.

12. Finally, ease up on your parents, they did the best they could, with what they had and what they knew. Just as we are learning everyday, so were they. When I think of what it must have been like to be 22 and pregnant, well, I cannot even imagine it. My parents were around that age when they were raising my sister and I. Were they perfect? No. Did they make mistakes? Yes. Will I make mistakes when I have my kids? Yes, because the only way we learn in life is by going through experiences.

 

So cheers to a decade of lessons, heartbreaks, losing friends, gaining friends, and so much more! Looking forward to thirty and all that it will bring :)